the mission

                After the rigorous application process and the contract that followed- you’d think that that I’d have a more difficult time assimilating into the school.  That my classmates wouldn’t even bother a second glance; my teachers would grade me unfairly.  Basically, that the entire world as I knew it would cease to exist by imploding around me.  Being different has never been the popular thing in elementary school...or high school for that matter.  Instead of imploding to nothingness however, the opposite couldn’t be more true...it more like exploded with new information, customs and to a certain extent beliefs.

                So imagine, just for a moment your first day at a new school.  You’ve probably never been so nervous in your life.  Wanting to look just right, you picked out your outfit days before.  As you get ready in the morning you worry about the classes, and if you’ll make friends.  My first day at NCS had those normal first day jitters coupled with the enormous amount of responsibility that went along with being the only mormon ever allowed to attend.  Well at least as much responsibility as a seventh grader can feel.  Finally the day came...and ended as soon as it started.  There were differences at NCS compared to my old public school.  For one, they had morning devotionals and they prayed to start the day.

                Choosing what type of prayer to give is like choosing a flavour at Baskin Robbins, or at least it seemed so to me.  Mormons (we’ll stick with that name for now) reverently speak to their Heavenly Father.  When we pray, you are aware that someone is praying-, it’s a tangible feeling in the room.  We use words fitting in the King James Bible.  Prayer is just approached differently.

  Mainstream Christianity for the most part...is well different.  Lets go back to the Baskin Robbins analogy.  There’s popcorn prayer, you can give prayer requests, worship music prayers (with and without music), holier than thou prayers, and prayer circles.  (see guide below for a descriptive guide).  I’m not saying that any of these forms of prayer are wrong, as much as they were other-worldly for me.  Imagine, me- the born and raised mormon girl- bow your head, fold your arms pray with respect and reverence being shocked to discover the worship band playing while the lead vocalist offers a song-inspired prayer.  

Kirsten's Fool Proof Prayer Guide:

Popcorn Prayer- One person opens the prayer (doesn’t say amen!), and several other (this is all done at random) offer short prayers (they don’t say amen) and after a sufficient amount of awkward silence, a predetermined person closes the prayer finally saying amen.

Prayer Requests- This was popular in homeroom/ devotionals.  Instead of doing a “popcorn prayer” (most times, people were too shy to actively participate so just a lot of awkward silence occurred) the teacher or person praying would ask if anyone had any prayer requests or things on their heart.

Worship Music Prayer- This kind of prayer usually only happened during chapel, or the full school assemblies.  The worship band would start up (it was taboo to remain sitting) and everyone would sing along with the band.  The songs lasted forever and let me tell you my friend that forever is a very, very long time if you don’t know the song!  Anyways, randomly the vocalist would stop singing and randomly start praying.  You had no idea that there was a prayer occurring...so you’d feel guilty.  Before you could say amen....they had already started singing again....

Holier than Thou Prayer- to be fair, there are times when in a sacrament meeting someone gives a holier than thou prayer.  Holier than Thou prayers often happened after a serious event...or just when my bible teacher had extra hot air.  In this prayer, the person praying quotes an endless amount of scriptures, coming off as a know it all who really shouldn’t have to pray being they are already so close and chummy with God.  The Holier than Thou Prayer could also be known as a “soggy milk prayer” or a “sermon prayer”.

Prayer Circles- Prayer circles are not as bad as they sound I swear!  At my school, there were prayer meetings where students would get together to pray for specific things or the world in general.  Everyone stands in a circle and each has a turn to pray.  Just a fact here- we would often say “I’ll pray for you,” or “Let’s make a prayer circle!” as an insult....yeah.  That’s how Christian School Kids role.

                Small differences aside, I didn’t encounter any open anti-mormon confrontations until grade 10.  In fact for the first 3 years of my attendance at School B- life couldn’t be better on that front.  On my first day, I made great friends.  I wasn’t popular by any means in grade 7, but come on it was grade 7 (because puberty makes everything less awkward...right?)  I enjoyed attending my new school.  Everyone was so friendly- often going out of their way to talk to me.  Teachers cared about their students’ well being- more so than their grades.  No one hesitated to offer help.  Life on Mars wasn’t horrible- in fact it was refreshing to see things from another view point.  I could learn to appreciate the beauty of my planet, while appreciate and marvel at the amazing beauty of another’s’ close up without judgement.

                Bible classes ran smoothly- or, I was too naive to notice differently.  There were times in class that I would ask a question about a particular scripture, answer a question or bring up a particular bible story that would result in a peculiar look from the teacher, or my classmates.  One day, for example we were having a class discussion of the origin of different languages, and how that could have happened.  Thinking it a rather daft question to begin with, I calmly raised my hand- poised to answer.

                “Uh- the tower of Babel.  God confounded everyone but Jared and the brother of Jared and their families.  They came to the Americas via barge.”  Cue awkward silence.  You know those weird nightmares where everyone is staring at you because you’re wearing only underwear?  Yeah...picture that except way less funny when put into perspective (I.E- waking up.)  Everyone looked at me as if I had three heads (imagine three headed dog from the first harry potter book- minus paralyzing fear).  The teacher- a very kind person- managed to steer the conversation away from my embarrassment to other topics.

Clarification: The bible DOES mention the Tower of Babel briefly.  I wasn’t daft, or mixing book of Mormon stories with biblical stories...although I must admit that happened frequently.  Check out Genesis 30.

                Other times, a lesson or concept that would come up in a bible lesson wouldn’t sit right with me.  I’d do my homework, read the assigned reading and discuss topics with the rest of my class.  Oftentimes- I felt like I was being split into two different people: both battling to find inner peace and clarification.  

                “Trinity?  How can they be different beings but one person?  Big enough to fill the universe, yet small enough to fit in my heart?”  I asked one of my teachers one day- utterly perplexed by his lesson on the Godhead.  All my life, the Godhead had been referred to as three separate beings: Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost.  I didn’t know that mainstream Christianity differed in belief from LDS doctrine.  My classmates and teachers spoke about them as if they were three separate beings as well.

                “Think of it as a three leaf clover.”  My teacher smiled at me.  He smiled.

                “That doesn’t make sense,”  I answered simply, thinking of Christ’s baptism.  It had been part of the lesson that Sunday at church.  

                My teacher faltered before he answered, “some things we’ll only understand in death.”  End of conversation.

                Looking back now, I realize, that my teacher in fact probably knew about the difference of belief, but failed to point it out to me.

                That day I went home confused like I usually did.  Something inside just didn’t feel right.  Sometimes if felt like I was seeing a flower, blade of grass or pristine lake in the  landscape- but all anyone else could see was the vast, red, rocky planet.  I told my mom about what I had learned and how confusing it was.  She then set me right, and explained things to me.  Being young and impressionable when I didn’t really have my own firm testimony and knowledge of my church and beliefs made it difficult to separate my school's from mine.  By the time seminary rolled around and I actually began to learn about church history and essential church doctrine- I began to understand.  I started to see the line that separated mainstream Christianity from the LDS church and started to toe it cautiously while at school.  I developed what I liked to call my “school b filter.”  I wanted to be respectful, but I still wanted to learn another world view.  I wanted to be tolerant and loving, yet still have the opportunity to voice my opinion and thoughts.  Thus began the work of aforementioned filter.  

                While in bible class, I contributed to discussions about the unknowns- which to me and other Latter-day Saints aren’t unknowns.  I knew why I was here, on the earth.  I knew what was to wait for me after death.  I understood what God’s power really was {priesthood}.  I noticed gaps of information lost in the NIV translation, and how blessed I was to have the King James Bible with the Joseph Smith Translations.  Sometimes I asked a question knowing it would cause chaos, but only because I started to feel sad that my friends didn’t have the same knowledge that I did.  Let’s face it- I was a teen.  How could it be fair to assume I had the maturity, wisdom and insight at all times.  I could stir the pot- but never to the boiling point.

                I developed the filter- but did everything in my power to emulate Christ and be myself.  I remember vividly talking to a friend in the hallway between classes how I was unsure of what I could and couldn't say in bible class.  My Principal was walking near me, and said plainly, "just be yourself.  That is all anyone can ever ask."  I took that to heart.  Being respectful and tolerant was possibly while being true to my beliefs, standards and testimony.

It was hard- some days before bed I would just lay there worrying about my friends, and my teachers.  I wanted them to feel the same comfort I felt.  Yet- I knew they felt the comfort I felt at difficult times in my life.  My God and my Saviour, were there Saviour and God as well.  No matter what, we were all loved by the same group.

They were used to Mars.  From their perspective, they had everything and anything they needed to know.  Sure- there were those that wondered, questioned and gazed into the galaxy for more but sometimes there are unknowns in life so we can have faith.  No words can describe how much I learned from my peers- martian or not.  Here I was, with answers to questions they had- yet they had faith even though they didn’t know.  I still hated to see them ask questions- questions that I felt I had the answers to.  

                By the time grade 10 rolled by- my classmates respected me and my beliefs.  They no longer believed negative untruths about the church.  When they thought of the term Mormon- they immediately thought of me.  I was just an earthling from Earth, and they were just Martians from Mars- we no longer saw a dividing line between us.  We weren’t different races; we were one in the same- just people, ordinary people who were striving to be better people.